Sunday, March 15, 2009

What a life!

At first woke up gently and as I savoured the moment a huge spasm got me by surprise and I howled in pain.

Then as I tried to breathe deep to try to relax, my back, neck and shoulders became very painful and one cramp followed the other.

Tried to do my arm exercises in the hope that they would have an effect, they did but not the one that I wanted.

Was bloody awful made me end up whimpering with the pain, poor Spike ran next to my bed and was calling to me.

Richie had already corrected my position in bed and pulled my top out from where it had creased up under my shoulder blades.

Although I can't move my body it is constantly shifting around so regularly lie in a banana shape.

From the waist this is leaning to one side and the top of my body to the other side and my neck trying to compensate.

Because I have moved the top gets wrinkled and like the Princess and the Pea this I can feel which is amazing seeing as there is so little sensation in my body.

Richie got me a couple of bags of THC and that did the trick finally the painful cramps stopped.

Then Spike came up for a mega cuddle and Marleen was down at the foot end of the bed something Spike tolerated this time as he was up by my head licking as much of my neck and hands as he could with the odd one on my face.

The morning cuddles with Spike do us both good and afterwards we are both happier and Spike and I have bonded.

Feel alot better now Richie has massaged my legs and I have had the morning baclofen and the food supplement chocolate drink.

Strange awakening so quiet one minute and so very painful and loud the next then tears and sobbing to now where I am ready for Sunday to happen.

Hate all this crap hate that I am crying because of the pain that I constantly need to be moved round in the bed.

That my only movement is being able to pull the top of my body off he bed until just under my shoulder blades apart from that and arm exercises I can not move at all.

These days I feel like a talking head with a disembodied body it’s a weird feeling one that I still can’t cope with too well.

My solution is the head in the sand one I try not to look at myself as that upsets me so I only look at my face.

And even that gets me and has the tears rolling down my face as I contemplate again how much I have lost.

It hurts like hell and then like now once the pain is expressed I can get on with everything else.

What a life but still it is mine.


steve said...

Thank you, Herrad. Yesterday morning's routine was very contentious for BR and me. You are not alone in the "talking head with a disembodied body" syndrome, and just hearing you express it (yes, BR's computer reads your posts out loud, as his vision no longer allows him to read comfortably) is like a release for us.

May the vapors keep you in a happy place, and the MonSter at bay.

Herrad said...

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your comment hope you both have a good day today.
Take care.

Unknown said...

Herrad, it is always rough to read of pain associated with MS. Thank God, Patti while having just about every other symptom dumped on her has never had associated pain.

I also read with interest your relief from THC. While 'researched' and discussed in the US, drug law politics usually trump medical benefits. ... or maybe some big pharmaceutical company just has not figured out how to make money out of it yet.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

awb said...

That Princess and the pea thing drives me crazy. How can there be numbness, yet have discomfort because because your shirt has ridden up? Makes no sense to me. I,m glad the thc gives you some relief, wish it did more than just a little.

soulful sepulcher said...

Oh Herrad, I don't know what to say, except you aren't alone in this world. I've got a few tears rolling down as I write this. I'm sorry for your pain you have to deal with. How you describe your life now is helpful to people who do not have MS, to understand it better, thank you for sharing your journey.

Vicki said...

Of course it is your life, but than you for sharing it with us. Whether or not there is a pea, you are definitely a princess.