Monday, May 18, 2009

Noticed that for the rest of the day yesterday after the emergency doctor and her assistant left we were both still nervous.

Richie checked the catheter bag several times too many and we kept expecting things to happen.

They did not and we were really relieved felt we had more than enough excitement getting the emergency doctor's team round here so fast for a Sunday.

Funny thing the mind isn't it, what happens for me is that I will keep having some sort of double take as it hits me time and again that what is happening to me is really happening.

It won't stop and go away what is odd that despite or maybe because of knowing that I am 100 % disabled and will always be like this and it will get worse I still somehow think that this will stop.

It is really strange this refusal to accept the truth of what is happening to me.

How do I do that and will I be able to survive it all?

Think the answer is no.

Shame but true and more true than this idea that I will become better.

I do understand where it comes from and that is a big desire to improve.

Come on aren’t I doing so well nearly 9 months in bed and doing so well surely there is a reward something in return.

Not in this case unless it is what I given myself i.e. have not given myself an even harder time which I could have and still can do.

‘It is of course not fair but so are a lot of things in fact there is really no such thing certainly not where MS is concerned.

With MS you just make the best of things and when there is a good moment grab it and enjoy it.

Back to the basics seize the moment and enjoy what there is to enjoy even the kids screaming at the joy of being able to scream.


Stephany said...

Thank you Herrad, enjoy the moment is the best gift.

Have a good evening



JC said...

Oh My ... it's the simple joys .. you keep trying !!!

Jen said...

I get a break from this MonSter, and I don't know why. I wish I knew why you do not.

Sometimes I feel like there is a reason why we now know one another, Herrad. And sometimes I can make no sense of it.

Sending you a thousand red roses to fill that lovely flat of yours half way around the world....



Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,

Hope you have a good evening too.

Hi JC.

Will do h ope you do too.

Hi Jen,

Thoses roses sound good to me can see them if I close my eyes.

Love to you all.

Ana said...

I'm speechless...
You are an amazing woman!

Nat said...

Those are some super cuddles from your dogs you are getting!

Thanks as ever for your posts, I find your honesty awesome


Libby said...

herrad--i think that's the amazing thing about the human spirit, we always have hope...and what a drab life it would be if we didn't! with ms, we HAVE to enjoy each moment we get, right? as long as we can find something to smile or laugh about, that's important...

Webster said...

Your honesty is so refreshing, Herrad. What I know for sure is that all I have is this present moment; Yet that is hard to remember as I reminisce or plan for tomorrow, but there it is.

I notice you're smiling big today! Good for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad, it was nice to see that big smile on your face! I love reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

Keep your eye on the ultimate prize - getting out of bed soon and back into your chair!

Great photos...keep them coming.

Take care,

Herrad said...

Hi Ana,
So are you.

Hi Nat,
It's lovely cuddling the dogs in the morning, they insist on it.

Hi Libby,

You are right there is always hope and it keeps us going keeps life good.

Gives us wine and roses.

Hi Webster,

The present is what we all have just we are more aware of it than some.

Hi Rain,

Cuddling Marleen is very special, when we rehomed her she hated cuddling found it too claustrophobic cos her former owner treated her like a cross between a baby and a handbag.

Hi Anne,

Thanks for your comment end of May is soon hope it is the beginning of sitting in the w/chair again.


Amelia said...

You are one amazing woman!
Your straight forward honesty is an inspiration to us all.
You give me a perspective that I need to help me battle this illness & I thank you for that.

Love & big hugs

Herrad said...

Hi Amelia,

The thing that I really like is we inspire each other.

The friendship, support and caring is what makes the blog world so special.

Hope you are doing ok after your appointment yesterday with your neuro.

Take it as easy as possible.

steve said...

What do you get when you cross a baby with a handbag?

An inFendi. But you can't carry anything in it because it's full of poop.

Keep well, darlin'