Monday, May 04, 2009

Cat at Ten Cate Markt, Amsterdam.

In Wales.

Rembrandt's Park, Amsterdam.

Read these words yesterday on Vicki’s blog Down the MS Path

‘What do you consider to be the worst symptom of your MS? And how do you cope?’
I started to answer and got into a right can of worms as it is not just one symptom for me but everything.
Having to come to terms with losing most functions so quickly after diagnosis has been and is constantly difficult.
I have come to terms with it, in that I can not deny reality but on the other hand I shall never really accept it.
How can I really accept something like this, something that has taken away so much from our lives, mine and Richie’s?
It is difficult but it has happened and I decided even though acceptance is difficult I can not and will not fight with something that has happened that I can not change.
No point in hurting myself anymore that would be pointless even as a distraction from the real source of my pain.
Which is the extremely fast progression of the MS and how I never had much of a chance to assimilate one event before it was overtaken by others a regular avalanche of symptoms.
Being in need of help with going to the toilet and washing and dressing was the first event to get used to.
Not being able to walk has been difficult but now I can not do much and need help with everything which is enormously frustrating.
Richie says he can see it in my face that I am having a struggle with myself as frustration levels reaches boiling point.
It is so very difficult to deal with being trapped in my body and to be unable to change that reality.
It is frustrating as my mind is fine, it works as clearly and as sharply as ever but this has no effect whatsoever.
My only way to cope is to be optimistic about life and the pleasures that exist in the here and now of this reality and to be able to enjoy them.
That is what I reaffirm each day as I do the arm exercises and Richie massages my legs and he soothes me back into the day through the pain of awakening with THC, baclofen lots of love and a bottle of food supplement.
And everyday as now I am ready to take part and enjoy this lovely sunny day.
Hope it is a good day for you all too.


Webster said...

Herrad, Being optimistic isn't the only way to cope - but it is the very best way to cope. And you do it so well. :-)

Herrad said...

Hi Webster,

Thanks for your nice words they have given me a tremendous boost.


Cranky said...

Herrad - time and again, you impress me with your attitude and perspective.

Herrad said...

Hi Cranky,

Thanks for your kind comment.



Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! I'm so inspired by you! You and I are kind of like opposites. You wrote that your mind is healthy, but you're trapped in your body. My body is healthy but I'm trapped in my mind. Still, I get a lot of strength by reading your positive posts and seeing your photos. Take care of yourself! And best regards to Richie too, he's an angel for you!

Ana said...

I also believe that optimism is the best way.
However I believe you have all the right to make all these questions you did and sometimes be really sad and angry about losing what you have lost.
I don't think we can avoid these feelings and I even believe it's not good to pretend they don't exist.
Yes, it hurts, it hurts and hurts.
Fighting for acceptance is a whole process and I believe you and Richie are doing it.
Crying from time to time is part of it too.
You are too brave!
Thank you for being so incredible amazing.
I've visited your blog and found the "world" gadget.
I couldn't help putting it on my blogs.
Thank you for visiting my other blog.
You can find nice things there.
Be at peace.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Enjoy readig yours very much and being taken to the places you take the photos at.

For an moment I am somewhere else which is wonderful.

Communicating and passing on knowledge and experience is important.

Feeling good right now and loving this human condition and the capacity for humans to give and receive love.

Have a good afternoon/evening it is 6 pm here.



Herrad said...

Hi Ana,

What a beautiful comment thank you so very much.

You had me in floods of tears when I read it the first time and minutes later when I read it to Richie.

Glad you took the world, all those widgets can be got by clicking on them and copying the html code.

So help yourself to any of the 'knick knacks' you like.


JC said...

I don't really know what to say to you. I have trouble with my every day life and I have to do a 'mental' thing just to keep going each day.

I hope you can continue to find the beauty in each day. Even if there are good days and bad.

I wish for peace for you.

Herrad said...

Hi JC,

Thanks for your comment, everyday there are good moments.

Quite alot in fact.

Take it easy and enjoy your animals.'
ps love your photos of your cats and dogs hope you post moe.

Libby said...

herrad, you may not realize it, but you give me so much hope...the fact that there is really so much to be optimistic about...thats easy to forget when i'm in the middle of sobbing because i've run into one more thing i can't do...but, really, my best days are still in front of me, as i think most of ours are!

Charisa said...

Beautiful pictures. And you are so amazing!

Herrad said...

Hi Libby,

Thanks for your comment.

You are right there are still good times ahead.

Take care of yourself and when you need to have a good cry and then I find that things go better.


Herrad said...

Hi Charisa,

Thanks for coming by and leaving such a sweet comment.

You are amazing too love reading about your races.

Wonder how you did this weekend gone.