Monday, May 04, 2009
Cat at Ten Cate Markt, Amsterdam.
Rembrandt's Park, Amsterdam.
Read these words yesterday on Vicki’s blog Down the MS Path
‘What do you consider to be the worst symptom of your MS? And how do you cope?’
I started to answer and got into a right can of worms as it is not just one symptom for me but everything.
Having to come to terms with losing most functions so quickly after diagnosis has been and is constantly difficult.
I have come to terms with it, in that I can not deny reality but on the other hand I shall never really accept it.
How can I really accept something like this, something that has taken away so much from our lives, mine and Richie’s?
It is difficult but it has happened and I decided even though acceptance is difficult I can not and will not fight with something that has happened that I can not change.
No point in hurting myself anymore that would be pointless even as a distraction from the real source of my pain.
Which is the extremely fast progression of the MS and how I never had much of a chance to assimilate one event before it was overtaken by others a regular avalanche of symptoms.
Being in need of help with going to the toilet and washing and dressing was the first event to get used to.
Not being able to walk has been difficult but now I can not do much and need help with everything which is enormously frustrating.
Richie says he can see it in my face that I am having a struggle with myself as frustration levels reaches boiling point.
It is so very difficult to deal with being trapped in my body and to be unable to change that reality.
It is frustrating as my mind is fine, it works as clearly and as sharply as ever but this has no effect whatsoever.
My only way to cope is to be optimistic about life and the pleasures that exist in the here and now of this reality and to be able to enjoy them.
That is what I reaffirm each day as I do the arm exercises and Richie massages my legs and he soothes me back into the day through the pain of awakening with THC, baclofen lots of love and a bottle of food supplement.
And everyday as now I am ready to take part and enjoy this lovely sunny day.
Hope it is a good day for you all too.