Saturday, April 18, 2009




We got woken up again this morning by the bottle bank being emptied with a huge crash around 8 am this morning.

But at least we have one day, tomorrow when we don't get shocked awake by a glass container being tipped into a lorry as we did at 7.30 last week on Easter Sunday.

My arms were giving me hell this morning, every time I yawned or tried to adjust my position my arms would go rigid and clamped up.

Doing the arm exercises are the way I can get my arms flexible again, so did my exercises making sure that I did not moan or squeak too much because of the pain.

Richie then massaged my legs as he does every morning and then I took the baclofen tablets and some THC vapour and could get on with the day.

All the effects of the THC go to pain relief these days so do not feel stoned like I used to before the MS.

It is very frustrating to be so restricted in my movements, to be so dependant on Richie is very difficult for me.

Sometimes when I am typing and I get so many other letters it can get very frustrating as well as it seems like endless work.

It does make me laugh but of course at times when I am tired it is not what I need and can really lose the plot and start to shout at the software.

What I find very annoying is that I have to be really careful how I yawn or stretch my arms or even laugh as any of these things can cause my arms to cramp up and go rigid which is very painful.

It is very strange that being handicapped would even affect how I express myself, find it difficult that I can not laugh freely, the sound that comes out these days is quite worrying often sounds scary.

No wonder Spike, our black and white Jack Russell gets upset when I laugh and if I do it too long he will start whimpering.

Every now and then when I consider how little I can do the realisation hits me again that I am indeed severely handicapped.

This double take hits me hard and usually has me crying my eyes out.

Really strange that this has happened a few times now as if despite all the pain and being so handicapped I do not want to accept this is how my life is.

9 comments:

FrankandMary said...

You do seem to have irrepressible determination, but even with that,you are human first & all of this sucks.

Your mind isn't handicapped though, and your writing is full & alive & so expressive. ~Mary

Herrad said...

Hi Mary,

Thanks for your comment, you are right my mind is not handicapped.

Love,
Herrad

Stephany said...

I agree, you are still you, I can see it in your eyes in photos. Restricted though in your physical body from a crappy illness, one thing it can't really take away is your spirit and who you are, it's OK if we read through some typos!

That morning bottle crashing would really be annoying!

Better read my blog more, since the content is so drab you surely won't be laughing there! :)

Stephany said...

PS--very pretty photos, they look like a painting.

steve said...

The sound of crashing bottles always makes me smile. I think about all the fun the people had emptying them.

Richie said...

I will never see you as anything less than wonderful. You have restrictions forced upon you but you are more free than most people. It is never fair that anyone gets sick but when I think of what we could be doing this all seems so very cruel. I hope I can help you find the pleasures you can still share.
I love you.

Webster said...

Oh Dear Herrad,
MS is indeed a take no prisoners foe which you deal with admirably. I am so sorry you have noticed a change in the quality of your laugh - but more important is that you can and do still laugh. It's so important -- for you both.

I think it is so nice that you are surrounded by lovely warm colors in your linens and on your walls, and have lovely blooming flowers to look at. Soon you will be sitting up (which probably will be hard at first), but I hope you get outside to enjoy some sunshine.

PS. I think it's friggin' cold here in Tacoma WA and can't wait for warmer weather. But I bet your smile warms Richie's heart.

Ana said...

"Your mind isn't handicapped."
I guess that Mary said something very important.
And you are loved woman!
You can count on the fingers of your fight hand women that has experienced this kind of love.
Love is a rare thing this days although everybody is searching for it.
Be at peace and have a nice Sunday.
Tha photos makes me wanting to get the plane and go to Amsterdam.
Love,
Ana

Herrad said...

Hi Ana,

Thanks for your comment,

Wonder what you think about today's photos.

Have a good Sunday.

Love,
Herrad