Monday, July 05, 2010

Enjoyment Not Denial.

Guillaume Cornelis van Beverloo

Got this wonderful comment today from Stephany @ Soulful Sepulcher

It is a very moving comment, so much so that as soon as I started reading it I cried.

Tears splattered my glasses. so that I could hardly read the text at all, had to stop and very carefully try to dab my eyes.

Responding became difficult I was peering around the splashes and smears on my glasses.

Am posting Stephany’s comment here as I found it a fine comment which I want to share.

‘’Hi Herrad,

I think women, as strong and spirited, interesting, funny and smart (YOU)still, though confident, have a small part of wanting to be accepted for who they are in physical appearance, especially, when it changes.

Our appearance changes with all years of our lives.

We change, but not always from illness. Our bodies evolve over time, and I know for a fact your smile and sparkle in your eyes are the same as when you and Richie first met.

Take a look at the photos, and what we see is a real, genuine human being, and a woman who with great pride is sharing with the world, the deep loss she feels.

Don't forget, you are you, no matter what. Richie only sees you. Sure, the daily grind is gruelling for both of you, but you know his heart is aligned with yours.

Both of you are to be admired.

I always want you to know I feel privileged to know you, even if through this format. I will mourn losing you. Find solace in the fact, you have friends that will rally around Richie; I think you may worry about that. And I'm not afraid to talk about the inevitable, because you talk about it. That's the gift you're giving us. And on that note, I hope to be here writing to you for many, many more years. :)


love and hugs


She is right, despite; the MS, my age and my spinal sclerosis I still want to be the woman I was physically before the MS hit me so hard.

Still look at the pictures of Richie and me in 2001 in our shower room wall, I was 50 then, wish that I could look like that now.

Do not mind that the passing of time, nine years should show, just do not like to see the signs of the MS and my distorted spine showing so clearly.

My spinal distortion has become worse due to having to lie in bed for so long, that progression was inevitable due to my loss of muscles in my torso.

Nevertheless it is still another blow to my pride and my vanity, especially since I took a lot of care in my appearance.

Always had smart black or charcoal coloured well cut trousers for work, teamed up with sharps tops and in cooler weather smart zipped tops and in cold weather my favourite voluminous black mohair cardigan.

The cardigan was shaped like a dress with long sleeves and when zipped up it had a high collar which looked rather cute on me.

Sadly I can no longer wear it as there is too much material which would just become too lumpy behind my back as it could not be pulled down far enough sitting in the wheelchair.

Gave it to our neighbour Willes who wore it all through the winter and right into spring, she looked magnificent in it.

Have given away several items of clothing that I used to enjoy wearing, think now that there were some that I denied myself unnecessarily.

Oh well now I am aware of my tendency to deny myself, that will not happen again, do not think that denial is my best option right now.

I think that right now I should be enjoying my life and my precious time, my intention now is to make the best of everything.

With Richie here to encourage me and the support of friends I am sure that I will succeed and have a good summer.


Stephany said...

Hi Herrad,

Oh, I sure didn't intend on causing the tears to flow! But am glad to tell you how I care.

I think it's nice to see others wearing a favorite thing, such as the coat.

Hope you do have a super nice summer, with many enjoyable days and moments.



Have Myelin? said...

Hi Herrad, I don't know what happened to my post but I thought you were beautiful. You have a sense of style that radiates. Your clothing choices show that. Your red hair is stunning.

I was thinking too bad they don't have cath bags in wild polka dots and stripes. You could make it work! =)

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
I know you did not intend me to cry, just could stop myself.
What you said was so lovely.
You are right it is nice seeing someone wearing a favourite item.

Hi Sherry,
Lovely to see your comment sweet of you to leave such a kind comment.

Thanks both of you for coming by appreciate your visits.
Have a good day.

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad:

I understand your feelings in your post and totally agree with them.

I think we have to grow into ourselves to be able to accept the way we are now, as opposed to the way we used to be.

Once we accept ourselves, only then can others feel free to be themselves around us (funny, sad, happy, etc.) without fear of hurting our feelings.

I know when John looks at me, he sees the girl under the MS facade. He still smiles, laughs and enjoys me like he did 35 years ago.

He will often comment about "who would have thought we would still be so much in love after all these years."

His point of reference is my divorced parents, the dysfunctional marriages of his two only sisters, and the distant (almost silent) non-relationship of his parents.

He had no happy marriages to reference, nor do I. We not only truly love each other, we are each other's best friend.

Through your blog and Richie's, I can see that you and Richie are truly blessed as a couple.

I think that when we find a partner with whom we "click", and that partner has gone through thick and thin with us - and still comes out the other side loving us as much if not more than early marriage years, then that person is truly a gem.

You have found a gem, as have I.

I Love you, am so proud of you and your progress, and hope you are enjoying your new found freedoms in your new chair, so you can get out and about while your weather is still nice.


Herrad said...

Hi Anne,
You are right about what you say about ''we need to accept ourselves, only then can others be themselves around us''.
I have noticed this too, life became alot easier for us all once I accepted myself.
Began for me in February 2009 when I decided I needed to be honest and talk more and to write about how it was for me.
Writing the blog daily has been good for me.
Getting your support, friendship and love has been terrific.
Could not have managed as well without the support, friendship and love from the blog sphere.
You are right we both have gems of partners in our lives.
Mine is out with the dogs now and I am enjoying the warm weather and the happy sounds from the neighbours.
Have a pleasant day.
Love you too.
Big hugs.