Friday, July 02, 2010
I Am Still Me.
Neighbours Watching Netherlands.
Watching Netherlands v Brazil.
Woke at 10 am today which was very pleasant, discovered right away that it was an extremely hot day, right away felt very damp and sticky and it was almost too difficult to breath.
After a couple of minutes I was fully conscious again and moaning in pain, felt all the pain as I do every morning.
Seeing my darling Richie coming toward me with a sweet smile on his face is lovely every morning, today it was even better than usual.
Richie, he is my absolute darling, he is my hero, really looks after me well, nice to be looked after with such affection and care.
More importantly we have such a good time together, we laugh a lot together and time always slips by like crazy.
Later on after my shower I sat in the front room in shorts and my favourite tiny summer top, at first I did not want to put the top on.
Feel so self conscious, especially since my torso muscles have become so slack with lying in bed since 2008 and also because my spine has become so distorted.
When Richie started taking photos I wanted to censor them and started suggested tasteful angles.
Photos that were the best shots of me, realised as I said it, that I did not like censorship, not even my own.
Asked Richie to take photos of me, everything, catheter bag and all, the reason that I changed my mind is Richie.
When I, at first said no to my very favourite top, it was because I thought the changes in my body made my body too ugly to wear it anymore.
Richie disagreed, he pointed out that despite the MS and my twisted spine I was still cute, still me.
Thought about it for a few minutes and decided that I would wear my top my very favourite top.
Richie made me realise that I was still me and nothing, not even this shitty diseases is going to take that away from me.
And I am not going to help by denying myself things that give me pleasure, living here and now, means enjoyment not denial.