Friday, July 02, 2010

I Am Still Me.

Neighbours Watching Netherlands.

Watching Netherlands v Brazil.

Woke at 10 am today which was very pleasant, discovered right away that it was an extremely hot day, right away felt very damp and sticky and it was almost too difficult to breath.

After a couple of minutes I was fully conscious again and moaning in pain, felt all the pain as I do every morning.

Seeing my darling Richie coming toward me with a sweet smile on his face is lovely every morning, today it was even better than usual.

Richie, he is my absolute darling, he is my hero, really looks after me well, nice to be looked after with such affection and care.

More importantly we have such a good time together, we laugh a lot together and time always slips by like crazy.

Later on after my shower I sat in the front room in shorts and my favourite tiny summer top, at first I did not want to put the top on.

Feel so self conscious, especially since my torso muscles have become so slack with lying in bed since 2008 and also because my spine has become so distorted.

When Richie started taking photos I wanted to censor them and started suggested tasteful angles.

Photos that were the best shots of me, realised as I said it, that I did not like censorship, not even my own.

Asked Richie to take photos of me, everything, catheter bag and all, the reason that I changed my mind is Richie.

When I, at first said no to my very favourite top, it was because I thought the changes in my body made my body too ugly to wear it anymore.

Richie disagreed, he pointed out that despite the MS and my twisted spine I was still cute, still me.

Thought about it for a few minutes and decided that I would wear my top my very favourite top.

Richie made me realise that I was still me and nothing, not even this shitty diseases is going to take that away from me.

And I am not going to help by denying myself things that give me pleasure, living here and now, means enjoyment not denial.


zoomdoggies said...

Well and bravely said, Herrad.

soulful sepulcher said...


As I scrolled through the photos, I was smiling, and thinking how great you look in your summer top! and as I scrolled down to the one with you wiping tears from your eyes, I said, out loud, "Oh Herrad!".

You're a brave woman, you are still you, that's for sure.

Thanks for sharing the photos, I like how you showed the real story this way, without censoring the pics.


Herrad said...

Hi Zoomdoggies,
It was worrying, until I posted the photos.

Hi Stepghany,
Thanks for looking at the photos, glad I decided to post them.

Deciding to post the photos feels good, it was a egood sdwecision..
Thanks for coming by.

Judy said...

You are still you. And I am so privileged to know you. Thank you for letting us into your life.

Webster said...

You are my hero, Herrad. Oh fearless one! Thanks for the nice photos of you, and perhaps you could put one up of you and Richie together one day.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

You look great and it is nice to see you and be so honest about the range of emotions. Your top is cute and colors show your island roots. I think you are sitting up better. I wish I could help you with the catheter straps. Those rubber straps can be hot and irritating. Can you believe there have been no fashion/comfort changes with catheter bags? Love, Mary

Bibliotekaren said...

Herrad, Thanks for the being the authentic you. Your genuineness always shines through. And, so glad you have your Richie.


Gareth said...

Watcha Sweeties, lovley to see the pics, Is that your Lucky holland Hat:) Bet the whole off NL is going mental with the football. What a complete couple of STARS you are SHINING through all the shittyness of MS.

Herrad said...

Hi Judy,
You are right I am still me, glad I realised this too.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for your sweet comment, means alot to me.
Will do my best to get a photo of Richie and I soon.

Hi Mary,
Wearing the top gave me a huge boost, got the shorts in Trinidad.

Hi Donna,
I am so glad that Richie is in my life.

Hi Gareth,
The neighbours were very happy about winning against Brazil.
So happy they partied all night.
Imagine what it could be like if they were to win.

Thanks you 5 lovely friends for coming by, your comments have given me a big boost.
Glad you visit, it is a pleasure to let you all into my life.
Have a good day tomorrow.

Che koala said...

dear Herrad
great pics, gorgeous top,
thanks for sharing

Herrad said...

Hi Chekoala,
That top has been a big favcourite for years now.
Always great when the weather was hot enough for the top.
Some summers here not warm enough so a hot day ould be quite a scaore.
Thanks for coming by.
Have a good day.

Have Myelin? said...

Hello gorgeous! I love your red hair, vibrant style and like Stephany when I got to the photo of you you wiping tears I thought "Oh Herrad, nooooo!"

But I do understand. You are far braver than I.

Would love to see a picture of you and your darling together.

Richie said...

You are easy to love.

Herrad said...

Hi Sherry,
Thanks for your lovely comment it gave me a huge boost.
I think you are very brave too.
Have a good evening and start to the week tomorrow.

Herrad said...

Hi Richie,
So are you my darling, very easy to love.