Sunday, July 04, 2010
Here's To Life, My Life And My Unvarnished Truth.
Posting those photos of me the day before yesterday was quite worrying, glad that I decided to post the pics.
For a moment before I made the decision I wanted Richie to take photos that would not show everything.
Wanted photos that would not show how my body has become distorted, but at the same time show me.
Realised what I was doing, which was constructing a myth, which is not me, not the real me that this blog is about.
Felt suddenly abit like the Wizard of Oz hiding behind smoke and mirrors, soon as I got that image I knew that I could not do that.
How can I carry on being open about what is happening and at the same time sanitise my image, there was a touch of farce about the whole thing.
It was scary to post the photos, but as soon as I had done so I felt relieved, it felt good to be honest.
It was easier to write honestly about what I am experiencing, but photos of me that was worrying.
Funny that, as is if keeping them secret would somehow make any difference to how my body is these days.
Strange discovering this I am glad that Richie reminded me that despite everything I was still me.
That despite everything this horrible MS has done, I am still cute and still very much me, this has been so good for me.
Everything has clicked into place for me, as I realise the truth of still being me, really understand it now.
It really does not matter what you look like, what a disease does to you, because the important thing is the person.
Which is my mind and my intellect, my sense of humour, my mentality and my emotions and my will power..
Glad that posting a few photos has made clear to me what is really important for me, posting the photos has helped me a lot.
It feels like this simple action has clarified things and made life easier for myself, can now celebrate my life and my take on it without wasting my time on trivial things.
It is life that is important to me, not the window dressing, interesting to see that despite being so ill with MS that I still wanted to touch up my photos as if anyone would expect me to look like a model.
Here’s to life, my life and my unvarnished truth.