Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Only Way For Me To Be.

Surrealist Art.

Every day I repeat and reconfirm that I will not try to predict the future, will not try to work out what is coming next for me.

No point in doing that it would be a waste of my time, notice that I do have to keep that in my mind every day.

Have to remind myself at all times as it is so easy to start thinking what if and to get all worked up about nothing.

Perhaps even get so upset that I get extremely stressed, stress is not good for MS it just exaggerates everything.

Need to reconfirm daily that I will remain my optimistic self, the one that enjoys life despite or sometimes even because of this horrible disease.

I have always been a woman who likes to enjoy, always looking for a reason to have a party, love spending time with friends enjoying ourselves.

It is such a Trini attitude, think that despite having left Trinidad when I was just eleven years old I am still very much a Trinidadian.

Noticed that when I was there in 1997 how much at home I felt, it was a wonderful feeling to have especially as we had left in 1962.

Thirty five years might have gone by but my feelings for the beautiful island were all still there, it was amazing to experience.

To feel all the pieces falling into place and to have confirmation of who I was and where I was from was stunning.

As the customs official said at Piarco Airport when I complained at great length about having to declare an invisible suitcase, it was in Barbados, he said ‘’what took you so long coming home darling’’.

Knowing about my roots helped me to find and to understand myself better, it made sense of everything.

Reconfirming my intentions daily to remain myself and to stay in the here and now and not to get too far ahead of myself is a good thing for me to do.

It is in fact the only way for me to be.


Judy said...

Herrad, as I too am an island girl who left her island (PR) at a very young age, I know exactly what you mean by always feeling like a Trinidadian. Thank you for sharing your lively vision and spirit with us.

Have Myelin? said...

Yeah...I know. Those invisible fears are so big, aren't they? Sometimes I let my imagination run away with me just for a moment and that reality blinds me then I wipe off that nightmare and let it bring me back to the nightmare I am really living if that makes sense.

In other words, the nightmare I really live is not as bad as the one I am envisioning. I hope that came out right...

You are a teacher of life.

Pretty Zesty said...

Hi Herrad!

I hope that you are doing well. How has the summer been? Not too hot I hope. Not like here. YUCK!

I have some earrings up for grabs on my blog. Check it out!


soulful sepulcher said...

Have a pleasant and happy evening Herrad!


Webster said...

You know, I am not afraid of needing a w/c full time, because three weeks after I was diagnosed that's exactly what happened to me. And it took three years before I could completely give it up. Without positive thinking and hope, I could easily have given in to that chair and missed out on all the years since; Sixteen of them without using the chair at all.

Now I use one crutch in the house
and a walker outside, except for distances. I have a broken scooter in the garage, but DH won't give me the info I need from it to order new batteries and get it re-keyed.

I may, perhaps, be getting a smaller scooter from a friend this Saturday. If it's a good fit for me, it may be just the ticket to allow me to stroll around the neighborhood! If it can handle the gravel alley, that is.

I'm not afraid of the future. Been there, done that.

Herrad said...

Hi Judy,
Thanks for coming by, PR where is that Richie reckoned it was Puerto Rico.

Hi Sherry,
Made total sense to me, thanks for your kind comment.

Hi Kris,
It is less hot now, it was boiling hot at the beginning of the month now the wind is cool.
Went with speed to your blog when I read earrings have just started wearing earrings again did not get Richie to put them in from August 2008 to last couple of weeks.
Helps me feel better about myself.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for your sweet comment, big hugs to you too.

Hi Webster,
Brilliant that after 3 years sitting in a wheelchair you could walk again is wonderful.
Good you are getting another scooter they are very useful.

Thanks 5 friends for coming by and leaving comments really appreciate it.
Love and hugs,