Today is another pleasantly warm day like yesterday; happily that’s where the resemblance stopped as my body was not totally cramped up like yesterday.
I did feel it get tense and cramped up, just not like yesterday, what I felt then, was an extremely intense painful feeling.
All my muscles felt totally stretched as well as tightened right up, I had to struggle to breathe, every breath felt like hard labour.
One I hope never to feel again, it was scary as it seemed to be a look at what could be waiting for me; hopeful I won’t need to experience more.
Sadly I think I would have had to let my body struggle desperately for every single breath, if I could not request euthanasia.
I have requested it, so I know that whenever we let the doctor know she will come here and she will let me die.
Writing this upsets me very much, because I will need euthanasia to avoid the final stages of my Primary Progressive MS.
I am crying as I write, weird to be writing about dying on such a lovely afternoon, strange to contemplate.
Maybe it is good because it makes me even more determined to enjoy every moment that I can enjoy, totally aware that my time is preciously finite.