Amazingly slept until 11 today had a quiet wakening actually woke up and had a few minutes respite before I felt all the pain.

It is strange how I have lost all feeling and sensation in my body but pain is always felt.

This morning enjoyed a few pain free minuted and then it all came flooding back, instantly the painful buzzy tingling started and very quickly had gone into the electric shocks and burning and pin pricks.

In some strange way it is easier to deal with now I know what is happening, just say to myself that it is the weird signals MS generates and not that something has gone seriouly wrong with my little finger or whatever else.

It also helps knowing that bags of thc will give me relief from the pain, so as soon as I start hurting I ask Richie to get me a bag of pain relief.

It is all a sort of virtual reality pain but despite that only to bloody real as it is all felt and only too clearly.

What a strange world we live in where there are so many chronic ailments and no cures for them.

The opportunity costs of all the handicapped people worldwide is huge, just imagine what could have been achieved with all those people working for a cause.

My cause as it is everyday is to make the most of what I have and to enjoy it as much as I can.

Thinking about Nick and missing his presence and realising more and more that his absence can not be filled by anyone else.

Wish I had kept his last message he left on our answer machine he always finished by saying ' this is Nick over and out '

I am not over and out yet and am determine to enjoy the day which I will do, the sun has been shining and it looks a pleasant day.

There have been the relaxed sounds of weekend in Amsterdam outside coming in softly through the double glazing.

Lovely going to sit and enjoy.